


You're Bi?

by Rosawyn



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Angry Steve, Awesome Natasha, Bisexuality, F/M, M/M, Multi, POV Bucky Barnes, Polyamory, Queer Themes, Relationship Discussions, Skinny!Steve, Stereotypes, They talk about threesomes a lot, Tony Being Tony, Tony Has Issues, Tony Wants An Orgy, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-29
Updated: 2015-03-29
Packaged: 2018-03-20 03:57:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3635754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rosawyn/pseuds/Rosawyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's a bit confused, but that's nothing new.  Steve, Bucky, and Natasha try to set him straight.  Well, that might be a poor choice of words.  They try to explain a few things.  With varying success.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're Bi?

**Author's Note:**

> As with a lot of things I write lately, this is primarily [marveloushawk's](http://marveloushawk.tumblr.com/) fault.

“So, Barnes.” Bucky looked up from adding salt to his fries to see Tony slide into the cafeteria bench across from where he and Steve were sitting. Tony glanced over at where Darcy sat to Steve's left then to Jane who sat on the other side of her, trying to do homework and eat at the same time. She had some sort of extra credit thing going. As if she needed it. Gaze flicking back to Bucky, Tony nodded pointedly at him. “I heard someone saying that you were bi.”

“That's right,” Bucky answered, taking a swallow of his chocolate milk. Steve's tray held a mostly untouched carton of regular milk—his mom wanted him to drink that kind, since it was healthier. Less sugar, less caffeine, all that. But all it meant, really, was more work from Bucky making him drink it at all. Tony, of course, had chocolate milk. So did Darcy. Jane had regular milk, but she actually drank it without complaint.

“But.” Tony's eyes narrowed, flicking between Bucky and Steve as he positioned his tray in front of him and opened a packet of ketchup for his fries. “Wouldn't that mean you're cheating on your little boyfriend there?”

Steve's elbow brushed against Bucky's as he shifted on the bench and made a soft shocked and offended sound. “That's not what 'bi' means, Tony.”

Reaching across the table, Darcy snagged a fry from Tony's plate—she'd already finished her own and had been stealing from Jane when Jane wasn't looking. Which had sort of been the whole time. “It's really not.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “'Bi' means you want to have sex with everyone, guys _and_ girls.” Bucky snorted softly, eyes dropping to his food—that sounded more like the definition of 'Tony Stark'.

Steve grimaced, resting his folded arms on the table. “That's not exactly—”

“That is it exactly,” Tony said, cutting him off. “So if your boyfriend here—” He gestured to Bucky with a carrot stick. “—is bi, then it means he going to cheat on you with some girl.”

Bucky stared blankly at Tony. What the hell?

“Tony.” Steve leaned forward, glaring at him. “Would you shut up for a second? First, _I'm bi too_. And second, being bi is about _attraction_. I call myself bi, because I'm attracted to males as well as females.” He shrugged. “And probably some people in between. But it has nothing to do with how likely someone is to _cheat_.”

Darcy nodded, lips twisting thoughtfully. “Yeah, that's a pretty ignorant stereotype, Tony.” It really was. Ignorant and offensive. But it wasn't like this was the first place Bucky had heard it; he probably couldn't blame Tony entirely for just soaking up the general cultural consensus.

Tony twisted his brows and pursed his lips, looking from Bucky to Steve and back again, ignoring Darcy entirely. “But you're _dating_ a guy.” Steve nodded. “So doesn't that mean you _prefer_ guys? I mean, some guys are hot, sure—like you two, obviously, and Bruce. Rhodey too. And your friend Sam. But I like girls better, so that means I'm _straight_. And you like guys better, so that means you're _gay_.” He took a bite of his carrot stick, somehow managing to look confused and triumphant at the same time.

“What's this?” Natasha said, sliding into the seat next to Tony and grabbing one of his carrot sticks. “Steve's not gay.” She rolled her eyes, taking a bite of the pilfered carrot stick.

Tony made an exasperated sound, motioning to the two guys seated across from him. “He's s _itting right there_ with his _gay boyfriend_. They've been dating for, like, two whole years. I don't know how you haven't noticed!”

Natasha levelled an unimpressed look at him. “Steve and Bucky are both bi. Like me.”

“Oh cool.” Darcy smiled broadly at Natasha. “I didn't know that about you.”

Natasha shrugged, popping the rest of Tony's carrot stick into her mouth. “I don't try to keep it a secret or anything, but I _am_ dating a guy, so I guess most people just assume...”

“Wait...” Tony boggled at her. “You're bi?”

Natasha waggled her eyebrows, stealing another of his carrot sticks. “Scared I'll come after your little girlfriend?”

Bucky snorted softly. As if Tony would be 'scared' of something like that.

“Would you?” Tony blurted, then grinned charmingly. Bucky rolled his eyes. Way to be a cliché, Stark. And utterly predictable.

Natasha rolled her eyes as well. “Just 'cause I'm bi doesn't mean I want threesomes.”

“Yes it does,” Tony insisted. Darcy snorted and stole another of Tony's fries.

“Tony,” Bucky said, reaching across the table to slap him sharply on the elbow. “You're confused about a few things here. Obviously.”

“Tony's confused? That wouldn't exactly be news.” Clint slid in on the other side of Natasha, wrapping one arm around her waist and kissing her neck. Looking at Bucky over her shoulder he asked, “What's the confusing topic of the day?”

“Tony thinks,” Bucky explained, narrowing his eyes a bit at Tony, “that just because a person's bi they automatically want to have threesomes.”

“But that's true,” Clint said, pushing a plate of fries in front of Natasha. “Did Tony get something right for once?” He flashed Tony a vaguely impressed, amused look.

Natasha elbowed Clint, wrinkling her nose and making a disgusted sound. “No, and you're obviously confused as well.”

Tony made a dismissive snort. “I'm smarter than all of you.” He pursed his lips to one side. “Except maybe Jane, but she has to _study_ —look at her, studying right now.” He pointed to her open book with one of his fries, a look of victory on his face.

“But I know this one,” Clint countered, features twisting with confusion and vague affront. “I watch that one pirate show, 'Black Sails'? It's sort of like 'Game of Thrones',” he added when he was greeted with blank stares, “but about pirates. And basically everyone on it is bi, and they're always having threesomes. Like, all the time.”

“Are you watching porn, Clint?” Darcy stole one of Clint's fries and shoved it into her mouth. “Is this 'show' actually just porn?”

Clint shook his head. “It's like ' _Game of Thrones_ '. Actual budget, violence, explosions, costumes, big ol' sailing ships...” He grinned crookedly. “And threesomes.”

Darcy shrugged one shoulder. “Sounds like my kind of show.”

Clint smiled triumphantly. “And best of all, it's educational. About history...and threesomes.”

“Because everything on TV is obviously real,” Bucky deadpanned.

Darcy raised an eyebrow. “Even that 'Ancient Aliens' guy?”

“Oh, _especially_ him,” Bucky replied, throwing a bit of french fry and bouncing it off the middle of Clint's forehead. “That's on the _History_ channel.”

“You wanna go, little man?” Clint asked, meeting Bucky's gaze as challenge flashed in his eyes.

Bucky held up his hands, grinning innocently. The last time he and Clint had tried to prove who was the better shot in what the school officials deemed a 'food fight,' they'd managed to get themselves _and Steve_ suspended. (Natasha had avoided a suspension by _not actually getting involved_ , something Steve might want to try some day. When pigs were flying over a frozen hell.) They didn't need a repeat of that. Steve's mom had been furious. And for once, it had actually been Bucky's fault.

But of course, Steve didn't really need _help_ getting into trouble. He sat forward, his narrowed eyes flashing at Clint. “Who're you calling 'little'?” Bucky stopped himself from making a grab for Steve’s arm; at this point it’d probably just make him angrier.

“ _Well_.” Clint sat back, holding his hands up in surrender. “I suppose you _would know_ better than any of us just how 'big' Bucky here is...” Darcy snorted loudly and Jane sighed, shaking her head as she turned a page in her textbook. Steve blushed, because of course he did.

“Okay, but...” Tony cut in, “all riveting discussion of relative _size_ aside...supposedly Steve's bi, Bucky's bi, and Natasha's bi.” He used a french fry to point to each in turn. “Did you know your girlfriend's bi, Barton? 'Cause apparently she wants to steal my girlfriend but _not_ have a threesome with me.” He tapped his fingers against his lips thoughtfully. “Which, I guess, means she wants to have a threesome with _you_.”

Natasha looked from Tony to Clint. “You two are disgusting.” She took another of Tony's carrot sticks and stirred it in the ketchup on Clint's plate. Bucky winced a little, wondering if Nat was just doing that to be gross—surely no one actually _liked_ ketchup on carrot sticks? She looked up, smirking a little. “Who's to say I don't want to have a threesome with both of you?”

“Well,” Steve pointed out, grinning a little crooked and a little shy—and completely adorable, as Steve always looked when he was shy, “you _did_ just say they were disgusting...” Bucky had to grin, because Steve really had a point. (It wasn't just because he was so damn adorable.)

“Yeah...” Darcy agreed, looking from Steve to Tony and then to Clint. “And you are both kind of disgusting, for the record.”

“Okay, but no.” Tony frowned, tapping his fingers on the edge of his tray. “If you want a threesome with _two guys_ , that just means you're extra straight.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at him in mildly impressed disbelief.

Steve narrowed his eyes at Tony, not impressed at all. “You really think you get to dictate this stuff to everyone else.”

Tony rolled his eyes, wiping his hands on his napkin. “I don't make the rules, guys.”

“Well.” Bucky folded his arms on the tabletop. “Please do enlighten us anyway.” He didn't need Steve getting angry enough to take a swing at Tony, but there was a table between them, and this was entertaining. Besides, Bucky was pretty capable of physically holding Steve back, since he could honestly pick Steve up with just one arm.

Tony shrugged, tilting his head slightly to one side and flicking his eyebrow. He set his crumpled napkin down on his tray. “This whole 'bi' thing is just a phase; sooner or later, you have to pick one, _unless_ you're going the whole threesome route like Clint's pirates.”

“Not if you dated a trans person,” Clint said, shrugging when everyone turned as one to look at him. “What? Like, you know, someone who's kind of...both.”

“You mean boobs up top but a dick down south?” Tony asked, tilting his head to one side. “That's...actually pretty hot.”

“Tony,” Bucky said somewhat carefully, “I'm pretty sure _you're_ bi.”

“Yeah.” Darcy grinned. She nudged Jane with her elbow. “Don't you think Tony's bi?”

Jane nodded without looking up. “Sounds like it.”

“What?” Tony twisted his brows incredulously. “Because I find both girls and guys attractive?”

“That's sort of what bi... _means_ ,” Steve pointed out. In, uh, Tony's defence, the main reason _Bucky_ knew these things was that Steve had explained it to him when they were ten. Bucky wasn't entirely sure where Steve had learned it in the first place, but he was always on top of LGBTQ issues and all that.

“Yup,” Natasha agreed. “That's pretty much _exactly_ the definition.”

“Nuh-uh.” Tony shook his head. “Because I'd never actually want to _date_ a guy. Well, except maybe Bruce...but that's beside the point. I prefer girls. Like I said, _straight_.” He gestured to his chest with both hands. Bucky only rolled his eyes a little. Tony didn't seem to notice.

Natasha grimaced. “Tony, you can call yourself straight if you _want_ , but... _usually_ , when someone says they're straight, that means _only_ attracted to the opposite sex.”

Tony snorted. “Right. Then no one would be straight.” He looked around at the others. “What? Are you telling me there are people who actually only find _one_ sex attractive? Really?” It was a little difficult for Bucky to wrap his mind around as well, but he kind of felt it was important to trust that most people would be reasonably honest about that sort of thing—or at least, that was the sort of thing Steve insisted all the time, something to do with respect and whatever.

Darcy shrugged. “So they say.”

“Well, I'm straight,” Jane said, looking up from the physics textbook that was open in front of her. “Or at least, I think I am.” She smiled a little shyly. “I've never found a girl attractive.”

Darcy shrugged again, grinning crookedly. “I have.” Glancing in her direction, Bucky raised one eyebrow thoughtfully. Was it Jane? Was Jane the girl Darcy found attractive? (Jane certainly was pretty enough. But then, so was Darcy.)

Tony narrowed his eyes at Jane. “How can you not find girls attractive?”

“Well,” she clarified, “I find girls pretty sometimes—a lot of the time. But that's different.”

Tony's brows twisted. “How's it different?”

“You can find a flower or a sunset beautiful,” Steve said, “but that doesn't mean that you'd want to...well.” He shrugged, grimacing. “Right?” Because of course, with Steve, everything came back to art sooner or later. Sometimes, Bucky wasn't sure if Steve didn't actually prefer drawing _him_ to, well, anything else.

Tony snorted derisively. “Oh come on. Who wouldn't eff a sunset if they could?” He giggled. Everyone gave him odd looks, but he ignored them, rolling his eyes. “ _Lying_. They're all lying.” He pointed at Jane. “ _Liar_.” Shaking her head, she just tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and turned a page. Tony turned to Clint. “You find some guys attractive, right?”

Clint shrugged. “Sure. I mean, not _you_ , but _some_ guys.”

Tony grinned. “Name names. Come on, Barton. Sharing is caring.”

Clint turned to Natasha as if for help, but she just smirked at him. “I'd love to hear this if you're comfortable sharing with the class, darling.” Bucky leaned in closer to Steve's side, glad _he_ wasn't the one being asked to share who all he found attractive.

Darcy nodded eagerly, her dark curls bouncing. “Yeah, spill!”

Clint shrugged again. “So, I mean, as far as fictional characters go, Jaime Lannister's kind of hot. And Jon Snow too.” To be fair, Jon Snow really was prettier than a lot of the girls on the show.

“Do you only watch two shows, like, ever?” Darcy asked.

Clint took a breath, brow furrowing thoughtfully, then let the breath out. “Yes.”

“He means the shows he watches by choice,” Natasha added with a wink at Darcy. “I'm always making him watch stuff with me.”

“Oh you mean that stuff I fall asleep to?” Clint asked, grinning blithely. Bucky wondered idly what sort of shows Nat even liked. He was pretty sure she watched 'Game of Thrones', but _everyone_ watched that. Even Steve's mother watched 'Game of Thrones', though she often ended up an episode or two behind due to her work schedule.

“I mean the ones where you keep asking 'Who's that again?'” Natasha replied, laying her hand over Clint's and lacing their fingers together. “And then cry when something sad happens.”

“Okay, but back to attractive guys,” Tony said impatiently. “You sort of implied there were real people too.”

“You're still not on the list,” Clint shot back. Bucky grinned crookedly. Was it possible Clint was protesting just a bit too much?

But Tony just laughed. “You're not on mine either; calm down.”

Clint rolled his eyes. “Like I'd be worried.”

Snorting softly, Darcy added, “Like anyone'd be 'worried'.”

“So...” Natasha prompted, tracing patterns on the back of Clint's hand. “Anyone we know?”

Clint's eyes flickered to Bucky, and Bucky's eyes widened in surprise. He couldn't help grinning a little. But he didn't blush. _Did not_. Everyone at the table noticed where Clint's eyes had gone, though, and after a moment of stunned silence, they burst out laughing. After they'd calmed down enough, Steve said, “Well, speaking as the most qualified judge of human beauty here, being an _artist_ and all, Bucky _is_ exceptionally attractive.” Bucky flashed Steve a fond little grin, and Steve elbowed him for his trouble.

“That was the most unbiased thing I've heard all week,” Tony deadpanned. Bucky couldn't help the laugh that burst from him at that, earning him an even harder elbow to the ribs. Which he totally did not deserve. Turning to Clint, Tony added, “Okay, but I think we all agree with Rogers here that your little guy crush is probably so inhumanly gorgeous that he hardly counts—anyone else?” Bucky rolled his eyes, ducking his head a bit. 'Inhumanly gorgeous'. That was one he hadn't heard directed at himself before.

Clint leaned in closer to the group, dropping his voice conspiratorially. “You gonna tell him I said this?”

“That probably depends on who you say,” Tony answered, laughing softly.

Clint shrugged, pushing his tray aside. “It's not like I'm single and looking or anything, and I'm pretty sure he's straight, but...” He let out a breath. “Bruce.”

Tony made a kind of 'crowing' sound. “Ha! He is pretty adorable, isn't he?” But then his face fell. “You can't have him, though. I call dibs.”

Clint made a face of confusion and mild offence at Tony. “I've _got_ a girlfriend, Tony. _You've_ got a girlfriend.”

“And you can't call dibs on a _person_ ,” Steve said, mildly indignant. Bucky gripped his knee under the table, hoping it would help calm him. It was pretty obvious Tony was joking. Probably.

“Yeah, well.” Tony shoved his tray over onto the next table. “I found out today that I'm _bi_ , so I guess I've been missing out on all the threesomes I could be having. All I've got to do is see if Pepper finds him attractive too, right?”

“I'm pretty sure that's not how threesomes work,” Bucky said, trying really hard not to roll his eyes.

“Right, because you're the expert,” Tony shot back.

“I think, at the very least, you'd have to find out if _he_ finds _you_ attractive,” Natasha suggested.

Tony snorted. “Oh come on; everyone finds me attractive.” He waved away the chorus of emphatically negative responses from around the table. “None of you count. And besides, you're probably all lying anyway.” He waggled his eyebrows. “But, Clint, you're the real expert on threesomes here—so how _do_ they work?”

Clint shrugged. “Well, since we all know everything we see on TV is true...” He rolled his eyes. “I guess...” He scratched at the back of his head. “A woman has to organize them? But you don't actually have to talk about it, she can just drag her boyfriend into a room with another woman, and... You know what?” He blew out a breath. “I don't think that'd actually be the best way to do it. Talking would probably be a good idea.”

Natasha snorted softly. “Obviously.”

“That could be pretty awkward,” Darcy pointed out. “I mean, either way, but waaaay more so if you didn't talk.”

Tony pursed his lips, ignoring both Natasha and Darcy, attention still focused on Clint. “But what if a guy wanted a threesome with two other guys? Would he still need a woman to organize them?”

“You mean if you wanted a threesome with Clint and Bruce?” Bucky asked, grinning wickedly.

Tony rolled his eyes as he got up from the table. “As if I'd want a threesome with two dudes. That'd be _ultra_ gay.” He paused. “And what would Natasha and Pepper...?” His eyes unfocused for a moment. “Wait, what we need is an _orgy_. No, hear me out: a nice big room, some beds, couches, lots of cushions, satin sheets. Some champagne and wine, chocolate fondue... Plenty of naked cuddling. Maybe some of those food fights you and Barton love so much.” He waggled his eyebrows at Bucky. “Hey?” His lips turned down in a disappointed pout. “Don't tell me I'm the only one.”

Everyone sort of looked at each other for an awkward minute.

“I kinda think...” Natasha began.

“That you're really the only one,” Bucky finished for her, flashing Tony an apologetic smile.

Steve was nodding and Clint was just laughing quietly. Jane was pointedly trying to focus on her work. “Go on Stark,” Clint said, waving a hand. “Go organize a threesome. Let us know how it turns out.”

“But I won't let you know,” Tony retorted. “I won't tell any of you anything, because none of you wanted to be in my orgy. So now you just don't get to hear about any of it.”

“Well, good,” Steve said softly. Bucky grinned at him. He kind of didn't want to hear any details of Tony's sex life either.


End file.
